The continuing saga.. Real Housewives Setember Begins...

As the saga of Real Housewives of Eagle continues.... I stand in a fairly significant line at the pharmacy behind copious grey hairs and perky yoga pants. Who knew that 10 AM on Wednesday was "happy hour" for prescription pickup. Ooooh...as the spandex clad customer getting 'counsel' turned from the counter my eyes were drawn to her face like a mangled bloody train wreck. The size of her botox infused lips is immeasureable! How does she sip coffee without drooling it all down her bright pink under armour spanx? The grocery store was fun, but the coffee shop, formerly a church so I twitch a bit every time I cross through the doors in fear of being struck down by lightning, is a much better venue for bonding with the natural habitat of my fellow housewife. Before I even got to the front door I noticed two twenty-something skinny cute "women" (questionable whether they are even old enough to rent a car). As I reach for the door handle I see a huge stroller shoved off into the corner and also realize that the possible mommy has spent more time today making her hair and makeup look that good than I have wasted in a month. Good for you sistah, everyone here cares. I go in and order a latte and find a seat far enough off the side to give me a nice view without seeming "stalkery". A few tables are similar to the one outside, only a couple babies, it seems the poor suckers with toddlers just stay away from this trendy place. Surely they are too frazzled and unkempt to go into public. One group of men, in business casual and looking serious, all sit with their laptops, coffee, and muffins solving the worlds problems. I am fairly sure they are sales weasels of some sort. The sad part is these bastards probably make way more than I did when I was working, therefore, I hate them. Down the way sits another businessman typing feverishly on his laptop, never even glancing up to show annoyance by the happy shrieking infant or to acknowledge the group of nobodies who have encroached on his space. He doesn't seem to be enjoying his work environment, so what's the point. Meanwhile the sales weasels have gone off topic and are furiously debating some sports team, or player. HEY..BOYS..back to work! In the other corner a chubby bearded hipster sits with his apparent wife and father-in-law. Mashing his face into the crappy small town magazine he picked up on his way through the door. Avoiding conversation he scrunches his brow so as to appear interested in the new furniture store opening in downtown Eagle looking up only long enough to grab the ketchup and slather his scramble. The lady sitting next to me has not stopped talking the entire 25 minutes I have been here. Her friend just grins politely back at her, occassionally offering a timely "uh-huh", while I am sure she is thinking "Does she ever shut up?" While all of this observance is interesting, I believe I have neared overdose and must move on to the day's chores. Like a "good" housewife, I am off to pick up shims, thinset and grout so I can complete the longest kitchen remodel in history. If I was a TRUE housewife I would bat my eyes and make the husband hire someone to do this for me. But, since I am all but a complete failure at the housewife thing, its time to go grab my tools and get dirty.

End of August and a month into layoff

Another Monday. Had my workout derailed Friday, cant discuss again or I will get all spun up. Forced myself, completely against every fiber in my being, to hit the gym this morning after completing all of my morning housewife duties. Went in with tunnel vision so as to avoid the overwhelming urges to throat punch some skinny bottle blonde 30-something perky "stay at home mom". Step one...check. Next was to decide on a workout...running is always the most effective for me. 33 minutes of jogging and watching home improvement shows later...step 2...check. Now what? Sadly, clean out the garage has made it to the top of my list, by someone else - obviously because what housewife in her right mind would choose garage over, say, finishing the awesome before/after office design? Dust,spiders and pulled back muscles loom in my near future. **Explitive** Going to be bad and procrastinate a couple hours while I go enjoy lunch with my friend. Thennnn, I will (no really). Time to begin the tedious task of showering, hair, makeup, that perfect outfit that says I haven't given up just yet. Now, to buy bread in my workout gear that says "At least I'm trying", or wait untill I look fabulous which just says "housewife". Thats a clown question, after all, what are we aiming toward here anyway?

New Chapter...Day 1

Knew it was coming but was still a bit surprised yeaterday by suddenly getting laid off and asked to leave my computer. That aside, my first day "off" has been great! Got caught up on the mundane tasks of laundry and dishes. Packed the team to go north for the weekend, got in an awesome workout, going to see a friend in a play, then taking off to head for the hills. Yay enemployment.